My goal/focus this year is the word “tend.” If you haven’t seen my original entry on what it means to tend, then please read it too for further encouragement It goes into more detail about why I chose that word for this year (or rather, God gave it to me). I thought my simply asking God to help me tend to my marriage, my children, and my health this year it would just automatically happen – like an epiphany would hit on January 1st and I’d be the most patient mom in all of East Tennessee…. At least looking back I realize that’s very similar to what I expected but I would have never said that.
While I can whole heartedly say that this desire came directly from the Lord, I can also whole heartedly say I didn’t expect it to come the way it has. In fact, I started to feel like a complete failure as the months have passed this year. Here is my transparency – I have REALLY struggled this year to maintain a Christ-like attitude when it comes to disciplining my twin toddlers-patience, love, gentleness, joy, and peace have been hard to come by more times than I really want to admit. Hopefully the truth in this will help someone else to relate as well and give you a life changing perspective and opportunity for self reflection.
This year has brought me to the floor (literally) and to tears because I was at the end of myself in pouring out into these tiny, cute, but head strong arrows God has given us. And what do we find when we come to the end of ourselves, but the LOVING, perfect, holy Father joyfully smiling and waiting to show us more and more of Himself!
A few weeks ago I looked at the word TEND written above the family calendar and thought to myself “I have failed. No more writing about it. “ but this week, I realized God is just answering my prayer. Yes, I have failed but HE has not. He is faithfully and patiently teaching me HOW TO TEND in the most God honoring way, as I rely on HIM to do so.
I realized it was God exposing areas where I need to grow in patience and grace so I can be a godly woman, wife, mother, nurse, mentor who communicates with love, grace, accountability, but not anger, or self centeredness. It’s been humbling to say the least. All I wanted to do was focus on tending to my children at home, to my husband when he needs my help or encouragement, and even to my patients at work. And I asked God to help me do that TENDERLY. But I’ve been doing the opposite because I’ve been doing it in my own strength, which isn’t much physically or spiritually.
Now my eyes are open to the fact that I asked God to change my heart (didn’t know that’s what I asking) and HE HAS BEEN ANSWERING, because He’s just that good. He has given me these challenging days because He is exposing the parts in me that need to be chiseled away so that as my children grow and have harder questions and push boundaries more, I WILL in fact be able to respond with wisdom, love, and an edifying demeanor to show my children more of Christ. He’s changing me so that when a coworker is flustered and maybe even mean because it’s a stressful day, I’ll be able to respond with a calm heart, instead of reacting. He’s changing me to not only think of myself and my needs, but to be excited and encouraging to my husband in all his endeavors, because that’s my role as his “number one fan”, and the one who intercedes for him.
And you can bet that I will give GOD all the credit because now I see how much I fall short. I can’t do ANY of this- BUT GOD CAN. He gives me those qualities because HE IS those qualities. I’m telling you friend- walking with God is the most sanctifying and humbling journey in all of life and it’s BEAUTIFUL when we surrender to HIM. I’m so grateful that God has chosen to TEND to me as He teaches me to tend those around me (and hopefully beyond through this writing journey). To quote one of my husband’s favorite songs, God “YOU get the glory from this.”
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ESV
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Anspiration 